I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
