So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
