can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Randomize
