I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So many bounce houses so little time
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize