did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
