I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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