I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
