Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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