You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize