Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
