We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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