There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Randomize
