Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
