I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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