Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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