Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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