And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
