My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
