Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
