I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
