Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm bleeding and have questions
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