I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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