I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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