4 words: hood of his car
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
