You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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