my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
