He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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