There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
