i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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