I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
