'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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