oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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