dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
