Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
