no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
