kristin has been a bad kristin
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
