So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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