Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
