My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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