I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
