I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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