I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
