I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
