shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
