Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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