Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
