Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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