I think I am morally bankrupt
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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