It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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