i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
