Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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