She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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