So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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