NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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