I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
