He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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