You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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