i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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