also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize