He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
