all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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