That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
