well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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