i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
