Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
