Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
