Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
