The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have feelings that need drinking.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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