So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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