either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
