PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
