He uses pillows to masturbate.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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