You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
