you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
