Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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