My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am one with the molecules
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
