I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize