I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
