When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
