My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
