his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When are your genitals available?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
