Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
