If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is classic penis vs brain.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
