I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
