she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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