How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
