3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
