Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
