apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
