We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
