Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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