he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
