ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
