I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she looked like the before picture.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize