I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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