We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
