so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
