You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
