Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
