just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
