Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
