he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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