Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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