i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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