I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
