i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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