so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
