it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
