I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
