Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
