i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
