He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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