Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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