The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
