I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
