Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
