I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
