at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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